Has it really been a week since I last posted something? Time really flies when you don’t have a schedule to adhere to. I’ve still written every day but it’s been mostly little articles for clients here and there as deadlines crop up.
Honestly, I wanted to enjoy what little time I had left before being evicted and fell into a depression of sorts as E-day drew close. (Actual depression requires an elongated amount of time, hence the “of sorts” qualifier.) Not an excuse, especially when my one and only plan out of this mess is writing, but it’s the truth.
The ridiculous nature of the freelance industry certainly isn’t helping. Every day I sift through project after project of “Need quality writer, paying $1 for 500 words” and comparable bullshit prospects – if you can even call them such – that are like a slap in the face to writers everywhere.
I just archived 12 job proposals I submitted 2 weeks ago that exactly 0 people were hired for. The vast majority of freelance job postings usually result in no one getting hired, a fact that still boggles even my mind after seeing the phenomenon worsen year after year.
The more meaningful job search has been equally hopeless. I sent in three separate cover letters with resumes and portfolio pieces to recently opened writing positions in Los Angeles, thinking if I managed to land one I’d figure out how to get there by any means possible. Of course I haven’t heard from any of those “prospects” either.
I know I have to play the long game but literally everything is discouraging. Every instance of ambivalence calls into question my own ability, which I admit isn’t Shakespearian but it’s hardly worse than articles I’ve seen plastered on The New York Times or IGN. But I don’t have an English or journalism degree, or any degree for that matter, so what the fuck do I know right?
Maybe my articles are too long. That’s part of why I haven’t knocked out the Elo ranking article. I know I still have a ways to go despite being 500 words in and a little voice in my head keeps saying, “If they didn’t care about the psychology of hype and pre-order culture then they’re not going to give two shits about the problems with Elo in competitive gaming.”
Maybe I should skip it and move on to the Darkest Dungeon article that I really should’ve written two weeks ago when the mood struck and it was fresh, but again I held off due to the enormity of the project.
I know all the counterpoints and how unreasonable I’m being. Bitching’s good for the soul though. It’s better than keeping it all bottled up. You have to loosen your jaw before gritting your teeth after all. (Which makes sense in my head at least.)