So I’ve acquired this insane theory that if I can somehow remotely land a job in LA then I can figure out how to get there and move forward. The good news is that there are a ton of writing jobs out in LA, at least compared to here in Orlando. The bad news is no one really wants to hire someone out of town and the amount of competition is astronomical.
The theory is especially insane since I have absolutely no way to get to the other side of the country. I don’t have enough money to take a cab to the airport (granted I know people who would give me a ride), let alone buy a ticket to LA or get to wherever the hell my supposed job would be from there.
Right now I’m running on pure fuck-it, because why bother living in reality? I’m broke and essentially homeless so what do I have to lose? Might as well keep rolling the dice until I hit a hard seven or am forcibly escorted out of the building.
The idea is based on the old “where there’s a will, there’s a way” cliché. A job would create an intense amount of will that I could then hopefully use to get where I need to go. Hell, maybe a ring will fall from space and enable me to fly to my supposed new job surrounded in a green hue.
It’s not really a plausible idea though because no one is going to give me the time of day. But you can’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket.
After applying to three positions and not hearing so much as a peep, I decided to switch things up when I saw a new writing job post that said it was looking for a creative writer to “update various mailing lists with unique written content two to three times a week, while also creating and monitoring sales of our products.” You can check out the job post here.
Most people in my position would try to put their best foot forward and come across as professional as possible. But remember, I’m running on pure fuck-it. So I decided to try a different approach that I feel like sharing.
Titling the email “Need a Writer? Vote For Locke!” I wrote this:
To the people regretting their decision to make a job post on Craigslist,
Allow me to let you down and alleviate your worries all at once.
Sounds great, right? Exactly what you’re looking for? You may even be thinking, “Oh my god! Did Craigslist actually work out perfectly for once?!”
Well there are two catches.
- I’m 24 years old.
How do I have so much work experience?
I’ve been working since I was 12-years-old. Not the “I mowed lawns and sold Girl Scout cookies” kind of work either. True blue collar 40-hours-a-week work. I was training people twice my age in sales by the time I was 15-years-old.
Don’t believe it? That’s fine, most people don’t, but I’m obligated to give you my work history regardless of whether or not you think my resume belongs in Ripley’s museum.
- I’m currently not located in Los Angeles.
I want to move to Los Angeles – hell, I’d be on the next flight out with enough motivation – but I currently reside in Orlando, FL.
Yes, I know that’s not ideal, but it’s also not your problem. Give me the job opportunity and I’ll be there bright and early for day one, which is the important thing right?
No, I don’t expect you to hire me purely based off of this email – would be pretty amazing if you did though. I’ve attached my resume and some samples of my writing, not to mention this wonderfully handcrafted email, and I’m available for a Skype interview anytime you’d like.
So, are you willing to take a chance on a young non-native or not?
Hope this email at least alleviated the monotony of sifting through the rest,
– Locke Kosta
Of course I used my real name and not Locke, but the rest is exactly as I sent it minus my Skype ID.
Am I going to get the job? No. Will I even hear back from the employer? Probably not. But it was fun to write and made me laugh, and that has made all the difference.