Want to Read a Fun Cover Letter?

cover-letter

I’ve been looking for work recently after a previous major client of mine went against my advice and ran their company into the ground in less than two weeks. And as much as I enjoy freelancing, I’m getting a little old for this roller-coaster lifestyle so I’m also looking for full-time positions to create a little stability if at all possible.

That being said, have you seen the state of the job market today? It’s ridiculous! If you ever need proof that overpopulation is a real concern just take a look at unemployment and job saturation rates. Getting work is a constant struggle for millions of people all over the world.

As always, I like to make things as hard on myself as possible and instead of looking for jobs in my immediate area I also tend to attempt my hand at opportunities 3000 miles away. What follows is a cover letter that I wrote for a company in Los Angeles.

Cover-Letter-Funny.jpgI’ve trashed the idea of writing normal cover letters. They’re boring as all hell to write and 99% of the time you’re not going to be contacted back about a job either way, so I decided a while back to just have some fun with them. From writing in all caps to utilizing way too many parenthesis – the more of these I write, the more balls out I go.

This cover letter in particular I admittedly went a little overboard with. It probably doesn’t help that I listed this blog as my portfolio page either.

Job Finding Pro Tip: Never admit or hint to being a gamer when applying for a job outside of the gaming industry. A lot of people still discriminate and prejudge gamers as lazy antisocial basement dwellers who are solely obsessed with video games. I’m not saying everyone is that way, because generalizations are generally wrong, but it’s safer just to keep that hobby under wraps until you get hired.

Anyway, I figured some people might find it a bit of a fun read so here it is – with the job posting and company title excluded for privacy reasons. Hope you enjoy it and maybe it’ll give you ideas for spicing up your own cover letters. Although I suggest not quite going as far down the rabbit hole as I did.

Funn-Cover-Letter.png

To Whom It May Concer- Aww screw it, this is a long shot anyway.

WHAT’S UP PARTY PEOPLE!

I was browsing around looking for work – as most writers do – and I came across your Los Angeles listing for a “Redacted” on Craigslist. To answer the obvious question, I’ve been looking at moving out to LA for a while now and occasionally check for jobs in the area to make the move easier/worthwhile. After doing this for the last few months I’ve realized that landing a job 3000 miles away is a rather daunting and virtually impossible task, but here I am taking another long shot in the dark anyway.

I’m Redacted by the way, although recently I’ve been writing under the pen name of Locke Kosta. Hence why the blog and application names don’t line up. I’ve been a professional freelancer for seven years and have deep passion for writing that has kept me on this roller-coaster lifestyle that is freelancing for far too long.

To be completely honest, I understand the internet and marketing so well that the last couple of years I’ve operated almost more as a marketing consultant than as a writer. My first and only full-time non-freelance job as a writer quickly morphed into a marketing director position in less than three weeks. When that job fell through because the CEO started having second thoughts about employing a 23-year-old marketing director who looked like he was still in high school, I decided to go back to my passion. (That passion being writing, not gaming as the blog suggests. (Although gaming is a strong passion too. (Holy crap! It’s tangential dialogue-ception!)))

My favorite part of being a freelancer all this time has been writing about a myriad of topics. One day I’ll be writing “How the Latest Episode of Arrow Killed the Series” and the next it’ll be “Avoiding Testicular Cancer in 5 Easy Steps”.

If I had to list areas of expertise, they’d have to be:

  • Gaming (Obviously. You’ve seen the blog I linked, right?!)
  • TV and Movies (Fell in love with writing because I love stories.)
  • Health/Fitness (I’ve written a ton in this niche over the years and researched it to death to avoid spreading misinformation. Luckily I know how to fact check and research in a quick and efficient manner.)
  • And damn near everything else due to the last tangential comment. (I actually don’t use tangential comments like this in my writing very often, just having fun with them right now.)

Kudos if you’ve made it this far without writing me off yet. I’m not seeing any way to submit portfolio pieces through your application system so instead I’ll just point you to three articles you can find on the blog chose to link.

The Hard Truth About G2A, Kinguin and Grey Market Keys – This article continues to get quite a bit of views and traction even 6 months later.

Rapid Fire Reviews – I’m sure you’ll enjoy the cat picture. This is the internet after all.

The Necessity of Boob Jiggle Physics – I wrote this for kicks and have gotten messages from people who’ve said it changed their negative view on boob jiggle physics in video games. The funny part is I  don’t actually believe a word of it!

I hope you found this enjoyable to read if nothing else.

Stay frosty arbiter of Redacted jobs, or get yourself a Frosty from Wendy’s later. (I’m not really a fan of them myself but to each their own.)

job-please-cat-funny
These cat pictures are for your benefit by the way. I’m actually a dog person. 

It’s not perfect and I wrote it in a matter of minutes, just going with whatever came to mind in the moment. Like I said, I’m used to not hearing back from people/places, whether it’s a proposal for freelance work or a job application like this one, so I throw caution to the wind admittedly more than I should. I’m probably creating self-fulfilling prophecies at this point.

But it’s fun, so why not? Should a prospective employer bite on one of these I’ll know they’re goodnatured and I’ll probably work well with them. Until then I’m at least making the process of job hunting a fun one.

And yes, I was being honest. I wrote “The Necessity of Boob Jiggle Physics” seeking to write persuasively about the opposing side of an issue that was contrary to my own viewpoint. Being able to look at issues and make the counter argument to my own view is what makes me an effective debater and salesman.

I hope you had as much fun reading this as I had writing it. We’ll get back to regularly scheduled gaming articles tomorrow.

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